Quality Friends

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find quality friends? Hard! I do not think I am hard to get along with, but one thing I must have in a friendship is honesty. If you cannot be honest with me and you decide to discuss my personal life behind my back, you are not a friend. You are a traitor.

I have a "friend", and I use that term loosely, who is roughly 21 years older than me. So, yes- she is old enough to be my Mom. I get along with her well, and we are involved in a lot of the same activities. Except, she constantly talks about other people behind their back, tells small lies, and exaggerates things.

I started noticing her talking about people behind their back as soon as we became friends, and it was a definite red flag. You know the saying "They'll talk about other people to you, then they'll talk about you to other people." I don't have a lot of 'skeletons' in my closet, and I am careful not to tell her things that I don't want other people to know. I thought I had that potential problem taken care of. Then comes the lying.

She got mad at me over money. She was working a charitable event with me, and her money came up short at the end of the day. When we were discussing it, she made it very clear that she was not going to take the blame. I asked her how she wanted me to handle it when it came time to turn in into the treasurer. Being a friend, I didn't want to tell them that is was her mistake, etc. I wanted her permission to turn it in, since it was my responsibility. If it were me, I would just put the money in, it was a minimal amount. I'd rather turn it in even, then try to figure out what happened to a couple of dollars.

She got mad at me, but instead of telling me, she tried to "uninvite" me to an event at her home. I got sick and didn't come anyway - she was perturbed because I didn't have a reaction to being "unnvited". You see, she invited me, but when I called her to tell her I wasn't coming, she wouldn't answer her phone or text me back. I felt like a bad friend, but I made an effort to let her know I wasn't coming.

She made a huge deal out of it. She even invited friends of mine that barely know her. They were thoroughly confused as to why I wasn't at the event, but they were invited. Of course, when they called me - I told them I was sick and I tried contacting her. When they told her I was sick, she said "Well, she was invited".

The invitation went like this; "We're having a cookout this weekend, you can come if you want to." No time, no date, just "this weekend" and "you can come if you want to". I sensed some animosity in the whole conversation, but I choose to ignore it thinking maturity would prevail.

When I called, I think she thought I was calling for a time or date, but I was really calling to tell her that I appreciated the invite, but I wouldn't be able to make it because I was ill. The cards didn't fall her way, and she was mad.

Of course - I wasn't privy to her scheme until after it all unfolded and I was left standing with my mouth hanging open wondering what the heck just happened. But the point is - she was inconsiderate of my feelings, I have friends at the event who said she was rude when speaking of me, and made some pretty off hand comments.

I sent her an e-mail explaining that I was frustrated with the situation and how she was choosing to handle it, especially because in my opinion, it was over a few dollars. I sent her the e-mail yesterday afternoon, and late last night she choose to respond. She sent me an e-mail that was so off the wall and had statements about other friends in it, that was unrelated to the argument to begin with.

In all - I learned a valuable lesson. That is, pick your friends with a clear mind, and your battles too. Make sure your friends are a positive reflection on your person, and they bring out the absolute best in you. Your self image and your public image are important to your character and trust, and only you can protect it. Don't let someone who has baggage of their own, push their issues off on you - it's not your fault.

She has it in her to be a nice person, but for some reason - she chooses to act irrational and say irrelevant things. I am a nice person, and I choose to ignore the animosity and move on with my life. I have a great friend in God and my family, I don't need drama and lies in my life.

Living Happy

Lately I have had the unfortunate opportunity of being around negative people.

I have been contemplating writing this post for quite some time, then today in class I decided it was time.

A girl walked in a few minutes late and sat down. She is a very sweet girl, and she obviously is trying very hard to work her way though college. Most days she isn't put together, but she is clean and she smells good, so that counts - right? Today when she walked in, a group of girls in the corner sitting by me started giggling like teenagers and pointing at her outfit. It hurt my feelings for her, because it was rude, and very childish for a college student.

Note: Names have been changed to protect their dignity - what is left of it. :-)

In my opinion these negative people are defined as:

• the people who gossip about someone they have never had the pleasure of meeting or even holding a conversation with
  


• the people who knowingly start drama, or just do not think before speaking


• the crazy fast driver who cuts you off in traffic and nearly causes you to wreck


• the people who live in their own fantasy world and thinks their life is perfect....way more perfect than yours can ever be - and they let you know it!

I am friends with a great many of the persons listed above and I would love to share with you some real life examples of just what I am talking about.

The Gossip Queen
I have a friend who is this, she will tell you she isn't, but after 20 minutes around her - you know she's lying. I love her to death, but her constant gossip drives me insane.

Every time, every single time she calls me the conversation starts like this "Oh my God! You are not gonna believe this!!" (Can you hear it in her voice? Yeah?)

Then, she goes on about Tammy's sister's ex-boyfriends family who are "nasty people" and they are so mean to Tammy's sister. Guess what? I don't know who Tammy is, let alone her sister or the ex-boyfriends family - so why do I care? Please, remind me because I seem to be missing the point!

My favorite is "I heard that Tom and Maria were getting divorced". Oh really? Because Tom works with my Dad and he hasn't mentioned it. In fact, just last week Maria was telling my Mom that they were thinking about renewing their wedding vows for their 25th wedding anniversary. Then she says "Oh, well that's just what I heard".

She will never tell you who she heard it from.

Drama Starter / Insert Foot In Mouth
The people who start drama do it intentionally. We have all met them, they are the people who say snippy things in an attempt to get you to say something they can use against you later, or the people who make a big deal out of nothing. I encounter both types almost daily, and I've gotten pretty good at ignoring them.

The people who do not think before they speak are just idiots. Didn't their Mom tell them when they were little that they needed to "choose their words wisely"? My Mom did, maybe she should give lessons or something.

I encounter this all to often. A certain co-worker of mine is infamous for it. A lot of what we do deals with confidential personal information, but she talks about it to other women in the office. Then one of those women, usually one of those Drama Starters, will go tell the boss and "Little Miss. Innocent" (AKA I don't think before I speak) gets reprimanded and pissed off at everyone in the office.

I just stay in my little office and act like they're all crazy (because they are). I want to say "Just do your job and go home. Don't bring home to work or work home, it's a waste of time!"

Reckless Driver
People who have no regard for my safety or their own safety infuriate me. I am one of those people who drive ahead of myself, so if I see a tractor trailer 1/4 mile ahead I put my blinker on and get over. I don't jam on the gas and pass as many cars as I can then throw my car, without a blinker, in front of one of the cars I passed, just so I can avoid hitting the tractor trailer I knew about before I ever decided to pass. Get it? And if you're one of those people, don't tell me - because I won't like you and I want to like you all!

Perfect Fantasy
These people make me laugh. I have to assume they only act the way they do because they are trying to compensate for something else. Like, maybe they tell you how perfect their children are all the time because really their not.

I have a perfect example: My Mom works with a lady who she is also good friends with. Cindy has 2 daughters, Amanda and Patty. Amanda is 20, but her MySpace page says she is 23, and on it she boasts about getting into bars with her 'awesome fake id', she also posts status updates related to the use of illegal drugs. Then there is Patty, who is actually 23, and dated the same loser without a job for a couple of years. Then she decides that she's tired of him and gets a new boyfriend, and moves back in with Mommy and Daddy. After moving home and dating several different men, she discovers that she is pregnant. Oops! It ends up being the losers kid.

How do I know all this about Cindy's children? Because Cindy is friends with my Mom outside of work and she tells her, plus I do a little MySpace searching (stalking is such a terrible term).

When we go to lunch with a bunch of women from work, you would swear Cindy raised saints. She talks about her 'girls' and their lives, and how they like to attend church (they don't), and how they like to all do things together (never).

Get it? Cindy wants these people to think she raised great kids, because she knows she didn't and she feels guilty for it. She has told my Mom that, yet she finds the need to lie to people about them. I can't stand it. I avoid the situation totally.

Here is my point about all these people: They do not seem to realize how short life is, or that life should not be taken for granted. We should savor the times we have with our family and friends, and be grateful for all of our opportunities.

Just my opinion though. What do you think?
-BB

Strange, don't you think?

I'm looking for opinions today. This post has been in the works, brewing in my mind for about a week or so. I am interested in what you all think of it.....

My SIL's sister became of legal drinking age on Wednesday. My brother and SIL had to go to see her (yep, she pretty much demanded it), 9 hours from here, for her birthday. They left on Wednesday and aren't coming home until Sunday. Why did they leave so early? Because the bratty sister wanted to party for 3 days straight. Yes, you read that right! Don't you think that is a little much? She's a college student and she hold a semi-full time job (I say semi because she changes jobs like underwear, so you never really know if she's working full time or part time).

It seems to me that is selfish ask your sister and her husband to take 2 1/2 days off from their jobs and drive 18 hours round trip to drink for 3 days. Even more interesting - my brother doesn't drink at all. He's pretty much along for the ride. He said he didn't want to go, but it was just one of those things that he has to do, so he was going to go.

A little background on the sister? Yes, she is now 21, however; she acts like a spoiled 5 year old. She doesn't have many friends because she can't get along with anyone, and she is trashy - not in the 'sleep with everyone' sense, but in the foul mouth, talk like a perverted trucker sense. Did I paint a clear enough picture?

Yep, she's not my favorite person. I avoid being near her at all costs, especially in public. I don't want anybody to think I condone her masculine, atrocious behavior. She definitely does not impress me.

Opinions? Don't you think partying for 3 days straight is asking for alcohol poisoning? And what about the cost? Holy crap! They're renting a van on Saturday night that someone (not my brother, he already made that clear), is going to drive around with all the drunks in it (including her parents). My brother told them he is not participating, he will be hanging out with friends while he is there. He's not really a fan of her either. The parents are self proclaimed alcoholics....it's a very long and interesting story that will leave you with your mouth hanging open - trust me!

You don't even want to get me started about what she did for my 21st birthday, that was several, several years ago - and I'm still pissed.

Rant is over. You can now go back to your normal lives. Thanks for reading! :)

-BB

Drama Be Gone!

I work in an office full of women. There are 6 of us, and they have their little groups or 'clicks'. Problem is, I do not participate and it drives the 2 biggest gossips in the group crazy. I do my job, pretty well might I add, and I go home at the end of the day.

On the other hand, they stand at each others cubicles (outside my office door) and whisper for a good 45 minutes every morning, and various times throughout the day. I find it to be very inappropriate, and rude. I do not care who or what they are talking about, I think whispering is rude in general. It is more distracting than loud talking.

I found this great article about Office Etiquette, I wish I could pass it on!

On another note, the bathroom remodel project is going quite well. Pictures coming soon!

-BB

Rantings and Rubbish

Drum roll please.....my pinning ceremony went perfect. No tripping and embarrassing myself in front of a room full of future colleagues. Thank goodness!

On another note, as I was walking across campus today on my way to class I was observing the scenes around me and I had this wonderful idea for a blog post....my rants about college campuses, and more appropriately the behavior of college students.

• Construction equipment randomly placed near sidewalks. I realize construction is an integral part of a growing campus, but must it be parked on the very edge of the sidewalk so when a Facilities utility cart goes buzzing by you practically have to climb it to avoid being run over?
  
  
• Conversations that do not need to be overheard. I swear to you, yesterday on my walk to class I heard one girl say to another "She used all my frickin' tampons and didn't even replace them. I mean seriously, how you gonna disrespect me like that? I was sitting on the toilet and didn't have a damn tampon!" Did she think me and the other students traveling down that sidewalk wanted to hear her tampon crisis? I especially did not want to picture her sitting on the toilet searching her trusty bathroom vanity for a tampon.
  
  
• Lack of respect and appropriate dress. We had presentations yesterday in my class, the assignment was to present an activity to the class which you would do as a teacher with your elementary school students. One of the girls who presented came into class late and made a ton of noise while another student was presenting. Then when it was her turn to present she stood up in front of the class in her Ugg boots and sweatpants, with her belly button piercing hanging out of her three sizes too small shirt. Lets not mention that her bra was a dark color and her shirt was a very light color. She was totally unprepared. It was evident that she did not follow directions or put a lot of thought into the assignment. She didn't even have enough copies of the material for all the students to participate. Do we want her teaching our kids?
  
  
• Temperature. They just can't seem to get the temperature right in any building. If it is the dead of winter (in Charlotte, NC that is like anywhere between 30 and 40 degrees), they the the temperature in the classroom set like as if it were 100 outside. The AC is blasting, and while I'm shivering and my lips are turning blue, instead of listening to the teacher I am trying to decide if it is colder outside or inside.
  
  
• General Manners. I could write about how most of the college students are rude, but that is not completely true. However, there are quite a few who see you with your hands full and let the door close in your face. Then there is the Library, there are 4 doors to enter and exit. They will be approaching the entrance and see you coming from inside the lobby approaching to exit. Instead of waiting for you to come out the door, they grab it and try to slide in before you are completely out. Maybe they don't see the other three doors. Is that even possible? My personal favorite happened today. I was sitting in the back of the lecture hall listening intently as the professor lectured about different social problems. A girl came and sat at a desk that was randomly sitting in the hallway and began reading out of her notebook. It was fine, until about 10 of her friends showed up and they began having a loud conversation that involved a lot of laughing and no regard for the lecture hall of 150+ students that were trying to learn something. I gave them one of those looks that says 'Um hello, use your common sense', and they got the hint and lowered the volume. I would have closed the door, but I feared being frozen to my seat by the temperature in the room.
  
  

That's all. I think 5 is a good number to stop at. I am the average age of a college student, and to be honest - some of the things I see on a daily basis just baffle me!

-BB