Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Quality Friends

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find quality friends? Hard! I do not think I am hard to get along with, but one thing I must have in a friendship is honesty. If you cannot be honest with me and you decide to discuss my personal life behind my back, you are not a friend. You are a traitor.

I have a "friend", and I use that term loosely, who is roughly 21 years older than me. So, yes- she is old enough to be my Mom. I get along with her well, and we are involved in a lot of the same activities. Except, she constantly talks about other people behind their back, tells small lies, and exaggerates things.

I started noticing her talking about people behind their back as soon as we became friends, and it was a definite red flag. You know the saying "They'll talk about other people to you, then they'll talk about you to other people." I don't have a lot of 'skeletons' in my closet, and I am careful not to tell her things that I don't want other people to know. I thought I had that potential problem taken care of. Then comes the lying.

She got mad at me over money. She was working a charitable event with me, and her money came up short at the end of the day. When we were discussing it, she made it very clear that she was not going to take the blame. I asked her how she wanted me to handle it when it came time to turn in into the treasurer. Being a friend, I didn't want to tell them that is was her mistake, etc. I wanted her permission to turn it in, since it was my responsibility. If it were me, I would just put the money in, it was a minimal amount. I'd rather turn it in even, then try to figure out what happened to a couple of dollars.

She got mad at me, but instead of telling me, she tried to "uninvite" me to an event at her home. I got sick and didn't come anyway - she was perturbed because I didn't have a reaction to being "unnvited". You see, she invited me, but when I called her to tell her I wasn't coming, she wouldn't answer her phone or text me back. I felt like a bad friend, but I made an effort to let her know I wasn't coming.

She made a huge deal out of it. She even invited friends of mine that barely know her. They were thoroughly confused as to why I wasn't at the event, but they were invited. Of course, when they called me - I told them I was sick and I tried contacting her. When they told her I was sick, she said "Well, she was invited".

The invitation went like this; "We're having a cookout this weekend, you can come if you want to." No time, no date, just "this weekend" and "you can come if you want to". I sensed some animosity in the whole conversation, but I choose to ignore it thinking maturity would prevail.

When I called, I think she thought I was calling for a time or date, but I was really calling to tell her that I appreciated the invite, but I wouldn't be able to make it because I was ill. The cards didn't fall her way, and she was mad.

Of course - I wasn't privy to her scheme until after it all unfolded and I was left standing with my mouth hanging open wondering what the heck just happened. But the point is - she was inconsiderate of my feelings, I have friends at the event who said she was rude when speaking of me, and made some pretty off hand comments.

I sent her an e-mail explaining that I was frustrated with the situation and how she was choosing to handle it, especially because in my opinion, it was over a few dollars. I sent her the e-mail yesterday afternoon, and late last night she choose to respond. She sent me an e-mail that was so off the wall and had statements about other friends in it, that was unrelated to the argument to begin with.

In all - I learned a valuable lesson. That is, pick your friends with a clear mind, and your battles too. Make sure your friends are a positive reflection on your person, and they bring out the absolute best in you. Your self image and your public image are important to your character and trust, and only you can protect it. Don't let someone who has baggage of their own, push their issues off on you - it's not your fault.

She has it in her to be a nice person, but for some reason - she chooses to act irrational and say irrelevant things. I am a nice person, and I choose to ignore the animosity and move on with my life. I have a great friend in God and my family, I don't need drama and lies in my life.


Jessica said...

That's so sad that people can be this way. I'm hard on my friends, and I expect honesty too. If I'm a good friend to them, then I certainly expect they be a good friend in return.

So sorry for this experience!

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